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Today is gonna suck ASS

And not in a good way...

Going to throw back to the shit that makes me happy and just try to survive it.

"Only thug in the hood that was wild enough to tame me."


Gorilla in the Midst

I would like to correct my Ghostbusters post--the part about Leslie Jones anyway. I said some awful things about her character in the movie, but none of those things was about the actress and person that is Leslie Jones. I've heard that Twitter is all about calling her gorillas and things, and while that's disgusting, there's a couple of things Leslie needs to know:

Leaving the racism that 'doesn't exist' out of things, the first thing that Leslie needs to know about an internet TROLL is that the motherfucker eats pain. It and its kin will say whatever it takes to get a reaction out of you. Internet trolls seek to hurt and maim and kill emotionally. I am very familiar with internet trolls. I seek them out and devour them. I find them fun to play with. They are dangerous, in their way, if you allow them to be. You are the billy goat, Twitter, in this case, is the bridge, and the Trolls lurk in the cesspool underneath reaching up with ragged claws seeking to drag one down into the depths of human misery--which is a place that is utterly bottomless. 

Dear Leslie, I know you will never see this. And even if you did, you'd be like: "Bitch who the fuck are you?"...BAWT...

Don't let them trolls drag you down. Its what they do, and while it can feel like its centered on you, it's just human misery regurgitating itself in vicious chunks. Its why I decided to leave out racism, because trolls will eat anything painful and they prey on the weak. With all that you have accomplished, you are not weak. Therefore, their shit shouldn't bother you. They are the most disgruntled, cowardly, and insignificant of the soul assassins that one has to face in life. And, with as many demons as you have faced in your life to be where you are, doing what you are doing, they should be a cakewalk through a sunny park in July with plenty of ice cream and  sweet friends to keep you company. Srsly.

The second thing to know about internet trolls is that they are all of us--or most, hence, you will get no help from, for example, Twitter, in blocking their tirade of bullshit at your person. People calling you all kinds of monkeys and shit is money, honey. Its a vicious, cannibalistic pain-circle that runs into the billions. 

Ignore the negativity. You are who you are. You did what you did. And that's great. Race is only a factor in that it is an easy thing to use to drag a person. I watched internet trolls kill one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen because he was gay. I'm sure there were other things in his life that cause the actual suicide, but, in the end, the trolls didn't help, and they just kept on going with their miserable lives after he was dead--erecting little temples in his honor, saying how sorry they were that he blew his brains out, slit his wrists, or what the fuck ever--R.I.P.

Man up, biznitch, nobody but your parents and your closest friends are happy for you in this life when you shine bright like a diamond. Stop being shocked about the commonplace, stay acting, and fuck 'em.

Don't feed the trolls. 


I still hate that impostor of a movie though.


Read a pretty good book for the first time in a long while. It was the wind down after a long ass week of absolute torture. I left it five stars but I don't talk, if I can help it, anywhere else but here--My Space (I actually miss Myspace, but...nvm that)...

The book held my attention all the way through even though it was short and free and there are two more that I have to get to complete the story. Author had good characterization and, while the plot wasn't the most different thing in the world, it was different enough for me to know that I'll be reading the rest of it. I'm always looking for good zombie related material and I found some. I truly hope that little Hispanic girl in her post apocalyptic world finds a way to save her parents from the wealthy cannibals that plan on eating them.

Drake is a piece of shit, btw. Seth's cool though in a Jonah Hexx type way.


Below is a beautiful woman. 
I'd like to see more of her--in movies and things.



I'm not going to cheapen the video by saying too much. I realize that the invention of race as a division among people has benefit to some. However, the price keeps getting higher and higher and we humans keep moving further and further away from what being human is. 

We could be beautiful too.

That is all. 


Midnight Ramblings

There's something about my attitude that's all wrong. Let me give a good example:

When I was in the eighth grade, there was a contest mid-year to see who could write the best stuff to read at our eighth grade graduation. We were poor, and this was back when kids like me were killing one another over price-inflated sneakers. I didn't kill anybody, of course. I was just subject to that kind of shit, that kind of fear, because it was all around me, everywhere. 

What I did was read, and my "mommy" braided my hair in four braids like a little kid, and I didn't fit in and by this time I was relatively cool with that already. Such was just the way for me. Didn't really understand it. Just was. It was go crazy or accept. I chose to accept. 

Anywho, I wrote several things for that graduation. And then I forgot about them. I ended up leaving school two weeks early for various reasons. I didn't think I was going to graduation. However, my mother and grandmother got together and got me the prettiest pink dress anyone ever saw, my first pair of heels--short one's, but heels nonetheless, and I got those four braids done in a style that the girls around me were wearing. I showed up for graduation day out the clear blue. No one expected me. We wrote no letters and signed no forms--just showed up at the high school and went to the auditorium. 

I remember feeling really weird all dressed up. From jeans and t-shirts to breasts and heels in what seemed to me at least to be thirty seconds. The boys treated me like they'd never seen me before. The same boys that had been throwing shit at me all year all of a sudden were so very helpful. But... more important than that--more life lesson-y--is the moment when I walked into those big alien auditorium doors, never having been there before, not knowing where I was supposed to be going, tottering on those little pink heels in the stage lit darkness...

...and hearing ... 

"G" is for graduation...it's finally here. 
"R" is for Room 101 where we spent our final year ...

I can't remember the rest of it. I just thought: "Hey, I fuckin' WROTE that..."

And I didn't win the contest and no one told me they were going to use it or any of the other stuff I heard that day as the boys helped me get were I was trying to go with a kindness that I didn't even know they possessed as many spit balls as I pulled out of those braids during the course of the year. Again and again that day, I heard my words ring out over that auditorium. Every thing I'd written, they'd used. Every word. I wrote that graduation. 

I never got a thank you. I never got a 'nice job'. Hell, I never even got told they were going to use my shit at all. Had I not just shown up, I would never have known. Ms. Johnson was my homeroom teacher and her niece, Tiffany, won the contest and was the best, the smartest and most talented. Damnable the things lurking around in one's subconscious, eh? Names. Places. Shit you thought you forgot until nights like these. 

Imagine that. And then imagine going through it about a majillion more times. 

I suppose I'm telling this story because I'm hot-ish and sticky-ish and my landlord is an annoying creeper of epic proportions...and I'm just generally annoyed at the moment. 

But, mostly, I was just thinking about the silence and how very, borishly, familiar it is. 


On the flip side, playing Sims 4 legacy, paused, because I can not allow my sexy sim to get old. He's got plenty of kids though. I think six now. And always hunting for more people to impregnate. His oldest son is pretty sweet though, even if he's kind of bad, and has fallen for a hot piece of ass he has no intention of cheating on. 

Has this young Sim found the love his father brushes away so callously?

Stay tuned for the next exiting episode. 

Okay... not really. I will though. I think I created the roguish thot just to see what he would do in the face of real love. And it's his son, so, he can't just dismiss him. Or that relationship. Thus far, it just seems to be annoying the shit out of him. 


Poor pathetic kind honorable noble decent good beautiful sad heroic Chelsea Manning


Saw the headline: "Another black man killed..." and just looked away. Beginning to sound like "Another day" " Another sky is blue...". How fucked up is that? What kind of monster am I becoming from the inside out?