I heard about it the day before yesterday, I think, but I avoided it for a whole day. I did not want to feel whatever feeling was going to actually come from knowing. I actually do that sometimes because certain things just do not make sense to me and never did. There are a surprising amount of things on that list. I can not fathom, for example, hating people who haven't done anything to me and who aren't hurting anyone. My wholesale rejection of religion began with this fact about myself.
However, in avoiding the news about the shooting of a hundred people and the killing of fifty of those people, in hearing a teary eyed person explaining how the EMT's arrived on the scene to gather all those bodies and how they had to listen to the sound of those dead people's cell phone ringing because the people that loved them were trying to get in contact with them because they hadn't come home ...
...I just feel a great and abiding sadness. There's no anger in it this time. I don't feel the need to mock. And the part of me that desperately craves the numbness of being cynical and jaded is awfully, awfully quiet. All there is...is the...ache. The ache at the loss of all those poets and scientists, those creative minds that might have given the world anything uplifting. All those brave people who were courageous enough to love in a world that is trying so damn hard to be loveless.
Fuck whomever you've got to fuck in order to get ahead. Do it in secret. Do it in the dark. The power of shame and humiliation compels you. What kind of world does that make? What kind of people? But those who want to step into the light--shoot them. Shoot black people, shoot gay people, rape women with your dick (fingers?) and a bottle in some filthy alley and go home afterward because we wouldn't want to ruin your life. She'll be okay--dicks were made for chicks after all--but the male g-spot's in his ass tho, mysteriously. In a world filled with perpetual war, where money is not real but people are killing and dying for it. Where so few have so much and want more and so many have nothing at all--but there's enough for everyone gifted by the planet itself, so why is anyone homeless or starving again? And religion stands for the illusion of morality. Of course you want to rape that baby, but you'll go to burning stinking hell if you do, so don't, but if you do rape the baby, this god or that one will forgive you.
Amen.
I don't have that much else to say. I'm head-full-of-stuff rambling as it is. This is a mean county on a human hearts level. This is the country that murdered off the Native Americans and likes to pretend that it didn't (diseased kill them Injuns, you know--like 98%) enslaved, raped and killed the black Africans. This is the country that is in a religious war with the Muslims--in a my-god-is-better-than-your god Pok-e-battle for control of the minds of the planet. America is starting to make Hitler look like an underachieving little bitch.
Mass shootings like this are a new thing in the amount of them that are happening daily in this country. What is wrong that has caused this kind of increase? This country always had a billion trillion guns. What are we being taught that 1.) makes this okay enough that no one will be talking about it in a week? 2.) has darkened our hearts to the point where a shooting a week is becoming the reality, the fucking NORM?
What a miserable, wrong-thinking kind of place this must be at its core if this kind of shit is okay, yeah?
Yeah.
And you can blame this particular shooting on the Muslims if you want to--but the two books are basically the same. If you teach hatred and intolerance under the guise of your false vision of what love should be--not what it is--what it should be, you never know how that's going to come out in those hearing the message. Hatred has never bred anything GOOD though, has it? The same way that Christianity was taught to say that black people were not even people, or some kind of cursed and, therefore, slavery was okay. Or that the Native Americans were 'savages' and needed indoctrination into Christianity even if it killed them all. It's all the same shit and it leads to the same RESULT.
Hell, Africa was kept poor and raped constantly for it's resources, but they weren't incarcerating and killing homosexuals over there until the missionaries got done with them. Raping the gay out of the women and just outright killing the men for a while there, weren't they? Now, I think they lock them up forever and a dark day -- like they have the right.
What kind of god would want you to kill something he took the time to make? Or need your peony ass to do anything the god wants done. The god is a god. That's YOU all sick and twisted like that. That's YOU hating because you want to, because it makes you feel good. Stop making excuses and own your fucked up shit.
Maybe, then, we can find a way to deal with it.
