Been reading manga like crazy--all love stories like a constant throbbing fever dream. Over the last couple of days, I've read so many I stopped counting long ago--which drives that never ending ache to produce something like it. Writing is a symptomatic disease, I swurr. Recent experience made it that way though. What was once my only sanctuary became a prison. And all them damn boxes that other people like to put you in. "You must do it this way, Raquel...It's got to be that way, Raquel...You should think like this, Raquel."
I won't say that I don't care. That would be a lie. It's like...
...a huge ocean of water pressing against a wooden door. The door is just strong enough to hold the water back but there are cracks in the wood and little rivets of water seeping through those breaches and I've got my back up against the fucking thing, trying to hold it back...And I'm getting splinters so my blood is mixing with the water, and I can't swim so when it breaks, I'm a goner...
Imma drown...
And I am soooo looking forward to that ... release. That very personal, intimate, done-down-dirty-in-the-dark, orgasmic...release. "I-Imm...s-s-soooo c-cl-close!"
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Once upon a time in a kingdom far away from here and now, a beautiful boy, and he was a boy then, gave a dark forest fairy a somber, but brilliant, melody. And when the fairy listened to the lovely tune, she did not understand the significance of its meaning. Still, she thought that it was beautiful and she kept that gift and left the boy behind to go back into the forest of shadow and golden light where she had been born.
Many years passed and many things happened, but that fairy never forgot that boy--who had become a man in her absence. And sometimes she listened to that song. And slowly, over time, she came to understand it and why he had given it to her.
Something she had considered frivolous had been so beautiful.
Yesterday, I wrote a rather long post about how we came to the impasse that we are at now as far as the presidency is concerned. Meaning, I was debating with myself who was going to win the election: Evilyn (you know, Skeletor's bitch) or Voldemort. And, more importantly, how a nation that holds itself in such high 'self' esteem ended up with such grotesque candidates in line for the most powerful seat in the land. In the end, I deleted it all though. It said more about me than the world that I live in.
Also realized that I live in the most racist state in the Union, which came as something of a surprise. It's weird the kind of disrespect and mistreatment one can get used to if it's always been like that. I thought segregation was illegal in this country, but this city is extremely segregated. The high school's here suck too. Most of them have a rating of one out of ten and are dangerous places filled with people with as much interest in learning as I have in joining the ku klux klan. It all seems rather nefarious and purposeful to me.
One of the best examples I can give is this ten year old boy I saw one day and his father. I happened to be in the principals office of a relatively decent but not good school and the guy and his kid came in. The kid had a straight A average and high scores. He was from Mississippi and his father was desperate to get him into the school I was standing in because you might not get your face beat in. Unfortunately for him, his straight A student was about a half a block out of the district for that school. And that poor, smart kid had to go to a school where beating ass was the norm, where he will be persecuted for being intelligent and his grades will inevitably drop in an effort to blend in with the other kids and keep them from kicking his ass and stealing his lunch money every day. I saw it as the probable (but hopefully not) death of one of the intelligent people. The little light in his eyes has probably flickered out by now, honestly.
It's so serious here that Kenwood Academy, one of the very few high schools of any note in the city have taken up the practice of doing home visits--something that I looked up and found highly illegal, but they're doing anyway. I thought I'd mention it, since it's not being acknowledged anywhere--like a lot of really wrong shit that people do to one another. School's here tend to promote ass-kissery instead of intelligence. And while ass-kissery will get you extremely far in this bizarro-verse of a world--intelligence, genuine intelligence is what it takes to change the world. No Child Left Behind, my ass. Lots of children are being left behind within this selective system. It's focus is wrong. It's focus is anti-progressive. It makes life harder than it has to be on the people who could actually grow up and change things. But, somewhere in there, is the very obvious plan of maintenance of the status quo sameness of certain groups of people. It is a sad and sorry, but very real, state of affairs.
This city, this shitty nightmare of a mayor fired so many teachers it's a wonder I don't see hordes of them standing in the street with cardboard signs that read: WILL TEACH FOR FOOD.
Word to the wise: A government that does not want an educated populace wants slaves. Brain dead, worker bee, easily controlled, slaves.
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Playing: Elder Scrolls: Oblivion; Playing: Fallout Shelter; Wishing for: Vampire Masquerade. Played the tabletop DnD version of Masquerade and Werewolf--because those are things that a dork would do. I've heard nothing but good things about the PC version of Masquerade. Interested in: Fable 1, 2, and 3. Missed those when they were out because I am a PlayStation person and they were made for X-Box? -- the opposition, the enemy.
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Not writing shit, but did read another really good zombie novel--first three books were free. Left five well-deserved stars, but, again, didn't say shit 'cause talking is for humans and I am a motherfuckin' APE--in the jungle knocking down trees, swinging from vines and shit.
I really liked the main character in this one. He was relatable in crazy, fucked up family, everybody-leave-me-alone-but-let-me-help-you-though type way. He had a crazy name I thought only I could make up. And, just generally, I liked the dude. Liking him drove the plot because, whatever he was into, I wanted him to LIVE through it. Good book. Good writer.
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I always thought this singer was really pretty. Love the song.
