Superhero Woes

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I have been messing around with the idea of complaining about the Batman vs. Superman movie for a while now. Frankly, I'm tired of complaining about shit, to be honest. I'm giving myself that discontented harpy vibe. At the end of the day, its likely because I'm not writing anything meaningful of late. Writing is therapeutic, and I'm missing mad sessions. Regardless, the movie is a long commercial for the obviously upcoming Justice League films. In being that, it is a disappointment of epic proportions. 

In looking at it, I could only see what it could so easily have been. I have a serious Batman fetish that I've had forever and a dark day. Batman, Sherlock Holmes, Dr. Who (Tom Baker)-- damn smart, crafty, see-right through-you kinds of motherfuckers. I don't just like Batman because he beats ass and takes down "bad guys". I like Batman's personality, his sexuality, his insanity, his bravery, and his brilliance. Usually, while beating ass, you are privy to these parts of him as well, creating a whole experience of that fascinating persona. With this latest movie though, there was a sore lack of all the things that make Batman--Batman

He beat ass okay, though far more clumsily than usual. He was clunky, ungraceful, and ... mean. He didn't show his natural brilliance. The hordes of women that love the part of him that is Bruce Wayne were sorely absent. And...but for Superman, the movie/commercial was painful to watch. I have no complaints about Superman. While he is not Christopher Reeves, he is darker and beautiful in his own way. Superman, in my humble opinion is fuck-nuts anyway. No one walking around with that kind of power could possibly be sane. He does a good job of pretending though, and the actor suits him. 

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Wonder Woman's portrayals over the years pains me. The cartoons and animated movies do her far more justice than any film portrayal since Linda Carter--who was kinda toned down, but so beautiful and true to her role as the times would allow her to be. 
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Every Wonder Woman after her has just kind of been a slut walk downward. For some reason, there is not the same problem with the portrayals of Cat Woman. Getting Wonder Woman's personality right seems ... difficult. Mostly though, she's a hot bitch in a tiny suit with little to no personality. Her personality though is pretty damn cool really. I'd like to see it evidenced on the silver screen properly. [Xena (Lucy Lawless) could have played Wonder Woman, you slow, oblivious fuckers.]

I feel I can voice these complaints because I read this stuff. Tons and Tons and Tons of this stuff, and always have. What I don't know shit about is making movies, so I'll just shut up now about how it's not being done right


Just a few more little notes:

1. I don't care how much 'star power' someone has, they're either capable of playing the role or they aren't. Don't fuck up my experience because of your bullshit, who-stroked-whose-cock politics. And more importantly, don't ruin Batman because of it. Like this cute little kid told me in Walmart yesterday because my crazy ass was wearing Batman pajama's ... "Batman is my favorite..."

2. That's NOT Lex Luthor. He's just NOT. Lex is the second smartest man in the world, he's built like a brick shit house on fire, and he makes bald work for him--Yul Brynner style. Twisted. Alpha. Male. All through the painful commercial, I kept wondering why Superman didn't just break his scrawny neck--not that he would do that--just that I really wanted him to. "Lex" and I use that "Lex" lightly ... didn't even give off the illusion of strength necessary to be a bother to Clark Kent, let alone Superman. And I don't mean physical strength either, just ... strength... inner and outer.

3. Don't promise the twisted masses that they're going to get verbal barbs and genuine competative macho bullshit between the smartest man in the world and the strongest and then give us the stale ass commercial for some other shit. We are not STUPID. You didn't even throw Lois in the middle and make her choose. Wth? That little battle alone would have driven your ... plot. 

4. Doomsday was wrrrroooooonnnnngggggggggg.....

5. Batman is not a sadist. I am. He's not. 

6. The Flash looks pretty good. DON'T FUCK IT UP. Didn't see enough of Cyborg to be able to tell one way or another--but I didn't cringe. Aqua Man looked like he was drowning. How long was he down there before you got the shot? Remember to let the nigga BREATHE. He's supposed to be able to do that underwater, ya know. 

I like the human part of superheros. That is what is endearing. That is what makes them beloved. Like, for example, the fact that Superman is afraid of being experiment on by the government in places like Area 51 because he's an alien--deathly afraid. His poor movies suck because no one will give him anything else to do but the same plot over and over again.

Try harder please. 

And don't lie. My fanficky-ship-hands were ready to write porn ... went into the theater erect...walked out limp as fuck. 


(not really, but it IS the best thing i've seen in a long time; someone else's work and all that)

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